God had taught me some amazing lessons throughout my life. Not all of them have been fun to learn, but all have been fruitful! I wish I had known all of these as a youngster. It would have saved me a lot of grief!
I share them with you today out of love. I pray they will keep you from grief too.
Playing favorites is never OK in family:
Everyone has favorite things.
- Having favorites is OK with foods, movies, songs, sports teams, and colors. But is never OK within "Family".
- The stories of Jacob and Esau and Joseph should teach us something! Parents who have favorites divide the family and cause contention and maybe even hatred among the siblings.
- The family is a unit, it is not, and should never be, segmented. One person is not more important than the other...just like in the family of God.
- Favorites can destroy friendships too. We are drawn more toward some people than to others. The phrase "Best Friend" can be deadly though. If I say someone is my best friend, then that makes every other friend lesser in importance and I am playing favorites. The "best friend" feels more loved and important, and the others feel like that are not.
- There are only two relationships where the term can be rightly used:
- In a marriage it is good to have your spouse as your "Best Friend" because that is supposed to be exclusive of all others.
- And to say, " Jesus is my best friend", is OK because that is to be exclusive as well.
Expectations:
Pastor Terry Frost taught me this years ago and I thank God that he did early in my Christian walk. He said, "Timi, your expectations are misplaced. You expect people to react to, and relate with, you the same way you would with them. It does not happen that way. Our expectations are to be in God and God alone. He is the only ONE who will never disappoint. If you have no expectations, you will never be hurt, offended, discouraged."
- Our expectations are to be in God and God alone- not in family, our spouse, people, events, or holidays.
- People will fail us. That is why so many women commit suicide after Mother's Day and Valentine's Day. The card companies and media sell us this gilded image as to how things "should" be. When birthdays, anniversaries are forgotten and the family can't all get together at Thanksgiving and Christmas and all get along in perfect harmony...the event is ruined and we are dejected, upset, and depressed.
- Part of our fleshly nature is we expect people to act and re-act like we do. However; God in His infinite wisdom has made us all different and unique. In my flesh, I can act in a way that is offensive, contrary, and arrogant. I should not be surprised when someone else acts that way either. Grace, GRACE, and MORE GRACE needs to be applied to the problem.
God is not our Vendor:
While listening to Focus on the Family on the radio one night after work, I heard the story of a couple who had lost two babies at a very young age with a strange syndrome. When asked what they would say to encourage those who were walking a journey or about to start on a journey of trial and sorrow like they had experienced, what would they share?
The Mother answered, and said something like: "We live in a consumer society- we want what we want exactly as we order it, with our specifications, and in our timing. When we do not get our order exactly as we want it, we get angry, bad-mouth the vendor to them and to all around us, and then will never use them again. God had to teach me that the order I had put in for my life was not the right one and His was right. He does not answer to me...but I to Him."
- That was SO powerful and insightful! I had to realize that if I am not very careful, I will put in my "Order" to God as to what is supposed to happen in my life, when, and with whom.
- I am sure my order would not have included a lot of the things that He has allowed in my life. However; now, in the last chapters of my life, I can see why He allowed them and how He has re-made me over the years.
- Every trial, hurt, and situation I went through, or He brought me out of, has given me the opportunity to trust Him more and to be a comfort to others who are going through the same thing. He has never abandoned me or deserted me. He has not always given me what I wanted because He knows the end from the beginning and knows what is ultimately best for me.
"Fruit trees and Tapestry:
"Fruit trees do not grow on Mountain tops." Pastor Bill VanSant
- They can grow on mountain sides, but mostly in the valleys where they are watered and protected.
- Wayne County NY fruit grows as wonderfully as it does because of Lake Ontario. The lake keeps it warmer for longer in the Fall and cold longer in the Spring.
- When we are on the mountaintop experience, that is great, but growth spiritually does not happen there. It happens in the valleys of out lives when we are dealing with the trials of life.
- We see the bottom of our tapestry that is being weaved by the Father. There are threads hanging everywhere, the pattern does not seem to make sense, and there seem to be a lot of black threads. But the Father sees it from the top. The pattern is most beautiful and the black threads are the ones that outline the most stunning patterns!
Perseverance and patience are learned- not given as gifts:
- Both come as a result of handling trials in the proper way. James 1
- Neither one is fun to learn
- Both are a necessity to get through this life
- Both are required
- Both will bring joy and make us complete
"You are either in a trial, coming out of a trial, or about to go into one. Be prepared!" Pastor Jerry Falwell Sr.
- Trials will derail our faith if we do not prepare for them before they come.
- Do not be surprised when they come. Job 14:1 "Mortals, born of woman, are of few days and full of trouble."
- If God the Father did not keep suffering from His perfect Son...why would I think I could escape it? It WILL happen. How I handle that will determine my state of mind and whether I grow through it, or sin.
- Trust Jesus in the trial. Psalm 23
Discontentment is the mother of all sin and can be deadly:
The very first sin was the sin of discontentment: Genesis 3. Some say it was the sin of pride. I believe it was the sin of discontentment. Eve had it all! She had a perfect husband, perfect surroundings, perfect food, and perfect relationships with animals all around her, and with God. However; Satan-that serpent of old knew of one thing she did not have...and that one thing was forbidden. So he played on that and sin came into the world. Now everything dies and there is strife! How different things would be if Eve had been content with all she had! Unfortunately we do that today.
- It causes complaining and murmuring: Exodus; 1 Corinthians 10. The children of Israel had been delivered miraculously by God from 400 years of slavery in Egypt. But as we read through these chapters we find that they constantly complained against God and Moses about the things they didn't have...like life was so great in Egypt! God caused a whole generation of Israelites to die in the dessert; not because of anything other than their discontentment with His provision and complaining!
- It causes envy: Cain and Abel in Genesis; Joseph and his brothers in Genesis, King Saul and David in 1 Samuel
- It causes theft and greed: Achan; Joshua 7
- It causes all kinds of wars
- It causes pornography, fornication, adultery, and divorce that kills families!
Comparison of people can be very evil:
- Comparing myself to others can breed pride, self-righteousness, or despair.
- Never compare my spouse or family members against others within the family or without.
- Comparing what God has gifted me with what someone else has been gifted is evil. God knits the fabric of his family and He knows best.
- I need to keep my eyes on God, not others.
- I am not to be a know-it-all- No one likes to be around someone who is puffed up about how great they are and how much they know.
- Pride makes us easily offended.
- Ego is not something that should rule us...but we need to subdue it!
- Grace given in humility is the cure.
Bitterness: Definition- "Not being entirely thankful for every person and every circumstance God allows in my life" Life Action Ministries
- Pride is the root of bitterness: "I don't deserve to be treated that way!" Children of Israel in the wilderness years, King Saul, Samson, Delilah. However; it is the way we feel whether we voice it or not. If it were not for God's amazing grace and mercy and if we were treated the way we deserve, we would all be dead and in Hell for all eternity.
- If I truly believe with all of my heart that God is in control, not me, and that nothing comes to me without the Father's stamp of approval to make me into the image of Jesus; my consternation turns into contentment...just like Job and Paul.
- Instead of, "Why me?" I need to ask, "Why not me? Lord, what do I need to learn through this?"
Submission is not a dirty word! :
- A sweet Senior Saint, Betty Baker, taught me early in my Christian life that submission to authority (whether to my husband, Pastor, boss, or government officials) is always best. She said that God places my authority over me like an umbrella in a rain storm. As long as I stay under the umbrella, I am protected and dry. If I, in rebellion or arrogance, force myself against that authority, I am the one that gets rained on! She also taught me to pray for those in authority who are the ones getting rained on! They are directly accountable to God for what I do!
Attack the problem- not the person:
- "Problems should never be solved in the "flesh". That is Carnality." Chuck Swindoll
- Before my husband and I married we agreed that when a problem arose, whether between us or against us, we would attack the problem to solve it, not attack each other. The "You always" and the "You never"s were eliminated from our vocabulary.
In Matthew 17, the disciples had not been able to cast out a demon from a young man. They had been given power to do other things, but they just could not do this. Jesus cast the demon out and the lad was healed. Afterward, they came to Jesus privately and asked him why they could not accomplish the task.
Matthew 17:20 "Jesus said, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth. If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
For those who have never seen a mustard seed, it is about a big as a ball point pen tip. That's pretty tiny! I asked the Lord, why out of all of the seeds You created did You choose this one for this illustration? He encouraged me to plant some and see. Most seeds take at least a week to 2 weeks to germinate. I planted them on a Sunday and by Tuesday they were sprouted. By Friday, they were about 3 inches tall!
I think He chose them to show us that that ever so tiny seed of faith that we allow to be planted into the fertile soil of our heart, daily watered with the word, and kept in the SONshine will grow very quickly!
I also do not think Jesus was talking about doing any major landscape re-arrangement like sending the Rocky Mountains to Florida. I think He was referring to the mountains like: relationship issues, finances, health issues, educational challenges, joblessness, poverty, etc. that will occur in our lives. He told us that, ""I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. " John 15:5. But He went on to say, "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you" John 15:7
God had taught me some amazing lessons throughout my life. Not all of them have been fun to learn, but all have been fruitful! I wish I had known all of these as a youngster. It would have saved me a lot of grief!
I share them with you today out of love. I pray they will keep you from grief too.
Playing favorites is never OK in family:
Everyone has favorite things.
- Having favorites is OK with foods, movies, songs, sports teams, and colors. But is never OK within "Family".
- The stories of Jacob and Esau and Joseph should teach us something! Parents who have favorites divide the family and cause contention and maybe even hatred among the siblings.
- The family is a unit, it is not, and should never be, segmented. One person is not more important than the other...just like in the family of God.
- Favorites can destroy friendships too. We are drawn more toward some people than to others. The phrase "Best Friend" can be deadly though. If I say someone is my best friend, then that makes every other friend lesser in importance and I am playing favorites. The "best friend" feels more loved and important, and the others feel like that are not.
- There are only two relationships where the term can be rightly used:
- In a marriage it is good to have your spouse as your "Best Friend" because that is supposed to be exclusive of all others.
- And to say, " Jesus is my best friend", is OK because that is to be exclusive as well.
Expectations:
Pastor Terry Frost taught me this years ago and I thank God that he did early in my Christian walk. He said, "Timi, your expectations are misplaced. You expect people to react to, and relate with, you the same way you would with them. It does not happen that way. Our expectations are to be in God and God alone. He is the only ONE who will never disappoint. If you have no expectations, you will never be hurt, offended, discouraged."
- Our expectations are to be in God and God alone- not in family, our spouse, people, events, or holidays.
- People will fail us. That is why so many women commit suicide after Mother's Day and Valentine's Day. The card companies and media sell us this gilded image as to how things "should" be. When birthdays, anniversaries are forgotten and the family can't all get together at Thanksgiving and Christmas and all get along in perfect harmony...the event is ruined and we are dejected, upset, and depressed.
- Part of our fleshly nature is we expect people to act and re-act like we do. However; God in His infinite wisdom has made us all different and unique. In my flesh, I can act in a way that is offensive, contrary, and arrogant. I should not be surprised when someone else acts that way either. Grace, GRACE, and MORE GRACE needs to be applied to the problem.
God is not our Vendor:
While listening to Focus on the Family on the radio one night after work, I heard the story of a couple who had lost two babies at a very young age with a strange syndrome. When asked what they would say to encourage those who were walking a journey or about to start on a journey of trial and sorrow like they had experienced, what would they share?
The Mother answered, and said something like: "We live in a consumer society- we want what we want exactly as we order it, with our specifications, and in our timing. When we do not get our order exactly as we want it, we get angry, bad-mouth the vendor to them and to all around us, and then will never use them again. God had to teach me that the order I had put in for my life was not the right one and His was right. He does not answer to me...but I to Him."
- That was SO powerful and insightful! I had to realize that if I am not very careful, I will put in my "Order" to God as to what is supposed to happen in my life, when, and with whom.
- I am sure my order would not have included a lot of the things that He has allowed in my life. However; now, in the last chapters of my life, I can see why He allowed them and how He has re-made me over the years.
- Every trial, hurt, and situation I went through, or He brought me out of, has given me the opportunity to trust Him more and to be a comfort to others who are going through the same thing. He has never abandoned me or deserted me. He has not always given me what I wanted because He knows the end from the beginning and knows what is ultimately best for me.
"Fruit trees and Tapestry:
"Fruit trees do not grow on Mountain tops." Pastor Bill VanSant
- They can grow on mountain sides, but mostly in the valleys where they are watered and protected.
- Wayne County NY fruit grows as wonderfully as it does because of Lake Ontario. The lake keeps it warmer for longer in the Fall and cold longer in the Spring.
- When we are on the mountaintop experience, that is great, but growth spiritually does not happen there. It happens in the valleys of out lives when we are dealing with the trials of life.
- We see the bottom of our tapestry that is being weaved by the Father. There are threads hanging everywhere, the pattern does not seem to make sense, and there seem to be a lot of black threads. But the Father sees it from the top. The pattern is most beautiful and the black threads are the ones that outline the most stunning patterns!
Perseverance and patience are learned- not given as gifts:
- Both come as a result of handling trials in the proper way. James 1
- Neither one is fun to learn
- Both are a necessity to get through this life
- Both are required
- Both will bring joy and make us complete
"You are either in a trial, coming out of a trial, or about to go into one. Be prepared!" Pastor Jerry Falwell Sr.
- Trials will derail our faith if we do not prepare for them before they come.
- Do not be surprised when they come. Job 14:1 "Mortals, born of woman, are of few days and full of trouble."
- If God the Father did not keep suffering from His perfect Son...why would I think I could escape it? It WILL happen. How I handle that will determine my state of mind and whether I grow through it, or sin.
- Trust Jesus in the trial. Psalm 23
Discontentment is the mother of all sin and can be deadly:
The very first sin was the sin of discontentment: Genesis 3. Some say it was the sin of pride. I believe it was the sin of discontentment. Eve had it all! She had a perfect husband, perfect surroundings, perfect food, and perfect relationships with animals all around her, and with God. However; Satan-that serpent of old knew of one thing she did not have...and that one thing was forbidden. So he played on that and sin came into the world. Now everything dies and there is strife! How different things would be if Eve had been content with all she had! Unfortunately we do that today.
- It causes complaining and murmuring: Exodus; 1 Corinthians 10. The children of Israel had been delivered miraculously by God from 400 years of slavery in Egypt. But as we read through these chapters we find that they constantly complained against God and Moses about the things they didn't have...like life was so great in Egypt! God caused a whole generation of Israelites to die in the dessert; not because of anything other than their discontentment with His provision and complaining!
- It causes envy: Cain and Abel in Genesis; Joseph and his brothers in Genesis, King Saul and David in 1 Samuel
- It causes theft and greed: Achan; Joshua 7
- It causes all kinds of wars
- It causes pornography, fornication, adultery, and divorce that kills families!
Comparison of people can be very evil:
- Comparing myself to others can breed pride, self-righteousness, or despair.
- Never compare my spouse or family members against others within the family or without.
- Comparing what God has gifted me with what someone else has been gifted is evil. God knits the fabric of his family and He knows best.
- I need to keep my eyes on God, not others.
- I am not to be a know-it-all- No one likes to be around someone who is puffed up about how great they are and how much they know.
- Pride makes us easily offended.
- Ego is not something that should rule us...but we need to subdue it!
- Grace given in humility is the cure.
Bitterness: Definition- "Not being entirely thankful for every person and every circumstance God allows in my life" Life Action Ministries
- Pride is the root of bitterness: "I don't deserve to be treated that way!" Children of Israel in the wilderness years, King Saul, Samson, Delilah. However; it is the way we feel whether we voice it or not. If it were not for God's amazing grace and mercy and if we were treated the way we deserve, we would all be dead and in Hell for all eternity.
- If I truly believe with all of my heart that God is in control, not me, and that nothing comes to me without the Father's stamp of approval to make me into the image of Jesus; my consternation turns into contentment...just like Job and Paul.
- Instead of, "Why me?" I need to ask, "Why not me? Lord, what do I need to learn through this?"
Submission is not a dirty word! :
- A sweet Senior Saint, Betty Baker, taught me early in my Christian life that submission to authority (whether to my husband, Pastor, boss, or government officials) is always best. She said that God places my authority over me like an umbrella in a rain storm. As long as I stay under the umbrella, I am protected and dry. If I, in rebellion or arrogance, force myself against that authority, I am the one that gets rained on! She also taught me to pray for those in authority who are the ones getting rained on! They are directly accountable to God for what I do!
Attack the problem- not the person:
- "Problems should never be solved in the "flesh". That is Carnality." Chuck Swindoll
- Before my husband and I married we agreed that when a problem arose, whether between us or against us, we would attack the problem to solve it, not attack each other. The "You always" and the "You never"s were eliminated from our vocabulary.
In Matthew 17, the disciples had not been able to cast out a demon from a young man. They had been given power to do other things, but they just could not do this. Jesus cast the demon out and the lad was healed. Afterward, they came to Jesus privately and asked him why they could not accomplish the task.
Matthew 17:20 "Jesus said, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth. If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
For those who have never seen a mustard seed, it is about a big as a ball point pen tip. That's pretty tiny! I asked the Lord, why out of all of the seeds You created did You choose this one for this illustration? He encouraged me to plant some and see. Most seeds take at least a week to 2 weeks to germinate. I planted them on a Sunday and by Tuesday they were sprouted. By Friday, they were about 3 inches tall!
I think He chose them to show us that that ever so tiny seed of faith that we allow to be planted into the fertile soil of our heart, daily watered with the word, and kept in the SONshine will grow very quickly!
I also do not think Jesus was talking about doing any major landscape re-arrangement like sending the Rocky Mountains to Florida. I think He was referring to the mountains like: relationship issues, finances, health issues, educational challenges, joblessness, poverty, etc. that will occur in our lives. He told us that, ""I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. " John 15:5. But He went on to say, "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you" John 15:7
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