Forgiveness- Much Needed- Hard to Find

          A survey was done not long ago stating that most mental illness and depression can be traced back to either something that person had done or something that had been done to them that was never forgiven.  Our lives are full of unforgiven folks.

·        Some have committed grievous acts or “common” sins against another and will not ask forgiveness because of arrogance, pride, or bitterness.

·        Some have been forgiven by God and the person they sinned against but they will not forgive themselves.

·        Some have been forgiven by the offended person, but they will not ask forgiveness for that act.

·        Some have done something against someone that they are truly ignorant of so they do not know to ask for forgiveness.

·        And the saddest of all…All have been forgiven by God, but because some don’t know him, they walk in unforgiveness.

Unfortunately, I have been all of the above.

          Before the Lord came into my life and captured my heart, I thought that I was leading the life of a “good church going girl”.  Oh yeah…I was WRONG!  In this particular case, ignorance is NOT bliss.  Living in a household of 6 siblings can certainly bring out the worst in one.  Selfishness, laziness, greed, arrogance, rebellion, jealousy, and envy all play a nasty part to disrupt homeland security.

          I went to college and not much changed.  It was the late 60’s and the Hippie movement was in full swing and the sexual revolution was fast on its heels.  The “establishment” was always in question and no one over 30 was to be trusted.  It was a breeding ground for rebellion…as if we needed more of THAT!  When you find yourself in that situation and you don’t have the bedrock of God’s eternal standards and absolutes for your own, it can be disastrous.  It was for me.

          I fell in love with a young man that I thought was the most wonderful man in the world.   I was sure that after dating for so long that we would ultimately get married.  THAT is NEVER a good assumption.  To my surprise (WHY ARE WE ALWAYS SURPRISED?) and horror, I found myself pregnant, not married, eight hours away from family, and not finished with college.  To make matters worse, I had morning sickness so bad that I could not go to class or work.  My “dream man” told me to have an abortion.  I told him that I could not do that.  He went home for a weekend to talk to his priest and parents to see if we could get married more quickly there than in the college town where we were.  He came back and called me all kinds of horrible names, accused me of trying to trap him into getting married and left my life forever.

          That is very hard to forgive.  It was hard to forgive him; it is even harder to forgive yourself for being so stupid.  Thankfully my parents and family forgave me and took me back into their home and loved me.   I accepted their forgiveness, but could not forgive myself for bringing such shame and hurt upon my family.

          I had been counseled and agreed to put my child up for adoption when he was born in August of 1970.  However; after I saw him one time, I wanted him back but thought that he was gone for good.  I cried for days.  More unforgiven guilt crushed me.  How could I abandon my baby?   Even in my unsaved state God heard me.  I got a call about 5 weeks after he was born asking me to decide whether to sign him over as a ward of the court or keep him.  Lance had some serious heath issues and needed surgery immediately.  The doctors did not know why at the time, but his kidneys were failing and he could not urinate.  I immediately told them that I wanted to keep him whatever the problems were.  However; now there was more guilt.  My sin had caused his problems!  He had 2 major surgeries before the New Year.

          Through that experience though, God brought me my wonderful husband who not only showed me phenomenal forgiveness, but also unconditional love for me and my handicapped son.  In His wisdom, my husband also was a nurse!

          Before we were married…one might think that I would learn…I went into Dick before we were married and I conceived again.  This time, fearing the wrath of his parents and also the shame for my family, we decided it would be best to have an abortion to hide our guilt.  We hid it from our families, but not from each other and it affected our relationship deeply.

          We were married three days before Lance’s first birthday.  Our lives seemed to take on the mundane routine that life does and we dealt with Lance’s ongoing health issues.  After three years, we were pregnant for yet another child.  Jeffery was the first to be born in the “proper” way.  What a different experience that was.  Everyone was happy and the whole experience was wonderful.

          About two years later all was not well in our home again.  Dick was out of work with a back injury, Lance was having major health issues and hospitalizations, and I found that I was pregnant again.  Still not knowing God and seeing His provision through all that we had been through, we decided that there was no way we could provide for another child.  We had yet another abortion.  Old wounds re-opened and again our marriage was affected, and more guilt crushed me.

          Shortly after, the Lord brought a new couple into our neighborhood.  They seemed to have it all together.  They had something rare, but I didn’t know what it was.   One of my other neighbors spent quite a bit of time with her and all of a sudden started talking to me about Jesus and my need to know him.  At first I was irritated.  After all, I had been brought up in church.  I had sung in the choir and had attended youth group.  I told her that of course I knew Jesus!  She was unrelenting, praise God, and gave me a cassette (yes this was the “old days”) on “How to get to Heaven”.  I had it for about a month before I listened to it.  I thoroughly confused my husband because I said to him one night, “I love Suzanne, but if she talks to me one more time about Jesus, I’m going to tell her go away and never speak to me again!”  The next day I listened to the tape, accepted Christ and became “one of THEM”.

          That day, I found true forgiveness for the first time in my entire life.  God had wiped my slate clean and forgave me for all of the murder, fornication, selfishness, rebellion, arrogance, and every hateful thing I had said or thought!   I was BORN AGAIN, given a new start, second chance at life, and a wonderful assurance that the God of the universe was in control and it was His job to provide, guide, care for me and love me.  He demonstrated pure, unconditional, undeserved love and forgiveness.

          Here is where things can get out of hand for the Christian.  I realized that God had forgiven me.  The harder thing I had to learn was that if God had forgiven me, it was a sin and an insult to Him not to forgive myself.  It was months before I finally got a handle on that.  Sweet Suzanne told me when we were discussing it one day, “Timi, the person who committed all of those acts in the past is dead.  God says that ‘you are a new creation!  Old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new.’ (2 Cor. 5:17)   When Satan tries to bring up that old stuff you need to tell him that and move on.”   For a relatively new Christian, she had a lot of God given wisdom.

          The hardest thing I had to do then was to tell Dick’s and my parents and family what I had done.  That didn’t compare though with how I felt when God impressed upon me that if He was going to be able to use me in the ministry to others in this area, I was going to have to tell my boys.  God intervened however; and they all sweetly forgave me and then shared with me things that they had done that they had hidden as well.  There was forgiveness all around.  What a cathartic in our relationships!

          None of us deserve forgiveness from the Lord or from anyone else.  It’s a “God Thing”.  He started it in the beginning and He commands us to continue it.  (Col.3:13)  Forgiveness does not reside in out flesh.  When we are unforgiving it should show us that we:

·        Are in the flesh and need to confess and repent.

·        We need His unconditional love in the Spirit to forgive.

·        We will not be forgiven what we have done if we do not forgive others.  (Luke 6:37), (Mark 11:26)

·        If we find it hard, we need to ask God for more love for the offender.

When God forgives us we need to:

·        Graciously accept God’s forgiveness and move on.

·        Not insult His holiness by not forgiving ourselves.

·        Rebuke the evil powers when they try to make us feel guilty about a forgiven offense again.

A life lived in unforgiveness is a life wasted.  The scripture says that if we have been forgiven much, we need even more to be forgiving.  God does not forgive and forget.  If He did He would not be God.  What He does is that He forgives and then refuses to remember.  We need to imitate the Father as good children!